Change Ain’t Easy
Last night, I had a total breakdown. I’m talking a level-10-ball-my-eyes-out-and-sob-like-a-baby breakdown. It wasn’t pretty and I’m almost thankful that Roomie was out of town so she didn’t have to witness it. I don’t know what sparked it and I still don’t quite know where all of the tears came from. I do know that I have felt better ever since, but last night was not my finest moment…
I stayed up late and spent some time reflecting on what may or may not have caused it. I think it’s the simple fact that I feel like I’m stuck in limbo, waiting to start a life in Vancouver. Everyday, I think of new things I want to do when I get there – from getting a library card, to finding new beaches to hangout at, and new hikes and running routes to tackle – and it’s frustrating that I don’t know when any of it is actually going to happen. Yes, I’m flying home to Victoria on March 26th… but I don’t have an apartment to move into in Vancouver yet, or an official move date, and I don’t want to continue to be stuck in limbo in Victoria.
Of course, it wouldn’t be horrible to be in Victoria for the month of April, if I couldn’t find a place until May 1st; I would get to live with the family (and dogs!) I’ve missed, and I know I’d spend most of my spare time at the beaches, mountains, and gym with friends. But I would still be stuck, waiting for whatever is next. I’ve spent the last 6 months in Toronto, only to decide it’s not the place I want to “settle down” in. Now that I know where I want to be, I just want to get there! I want to move, setup my own place, and get into a new groove. I want to wake up on weekends and go out for early morning runs, and I want to make new friends and invite people over for dinner. I know it’ll all happen, I guess I just don’t want to wait…
So, I think that’s where half of my breakdown came from. The other half is a tricky subject but is something I know a number of personal finance bloggers go through at least once: I don’t think I want to write about money anymore. When I think about what I want the rest of 2013 to look like, other than paying off the remainder of my debt, I don’t really have enough financial goals to warrant maintaining a personal finance blog. The reason I started Blonde on a Budget was to keep myself accountable while I was paying off my debt. Not only has it helped me do that, it has also helped me build an incredibly supportive network of friends and followers. Heck, it even got me a job.
But I’m struggling to find interesting topics to write about. I am losing motivation by the fact that every topic has already been written about by everyone else. While I almost never receive negative comments on this blog, the community is still riddled with judgment. And, truth be told, I am just losing interest in it. Writing and maintaining a blog is something I think I will do for the rest of my life, but I think I’m done with the topic of personal finance. When my debt is paid off, there is a good chance I will stop writing Blonde on a Budget and start writing something else. I may change my mind… but I would say that my decision is about 80% final, meaning BoaB would see its last post in June.
I’m sorry to start the weekend with such a heavy post! But if there’s one thing I have learned about blogging, it’s that honest posts are the easiest ones to write… and this post only took me about 20 minutes to piece together. So, there you have it.